Counting My Blessings

Almost 2 months ago, I wrote this post about being thankful for Weston.  I'm am still incredibly thankful for Weston. 

Anyone that knows me knows that the entire time I was pregnant, I hoped for a girl.  When asked what gender an expectant couple prefers, the answer is usually a politically correct "it doesn't matter, as long as the baby is healthy".  I DID want a healthy baby, but more than that, I wanted a girl.  Since Doug and I chose not to find out the gender, it wasn't until Weston was delivered that we found out we were the parents of a son.  I remember pushing the last push and the doctor pulling the baby out.  I saw the genitalia and immediately started crying because it was not a girl.  I knew then that it was very selfish to feel that way, but I just couldn't get over it.  In fact, it took me quite awhile to come to terms with the fact we had a boy.  I struggled, and truth be told, still at times struggle, with the fact we didn't have a girl.  I definitely loved Weston since we conceived him, but I didn't like the fact that he was a boy.

That all being said, I may have not had the girl I so badly wanted, but I did have a very healthy, very smart, entirely amazing little boy.  Weston was born on Wednesday and we went home on Friday.  He didn't need any extra medical attention and to this day has never gone to the pediatrician for anything other than vaccines and scheduled appointments.  For all of that, I am eternally grateful to God.

I read several blogs of people who have the daughters they wanted, but under trying circumstances.  Kelly had her baby girl, Harper, at full-term, but Harper was very sick and spent a month in the NICU.  Kayla Aimee had her baby girl, Scarlette, at 25 weeks.  She's now 12 weeks old and is still in the NICU fighting for her life. Karen is 35 weeks pregnant with baby Grace.  During an ultrasound, it was discovered that Grace has a couple medical problems that will cause her to struggle from birth and doctors may not be able to help her.  I cannot imagine having a child in the NICU or knowing before it's born that it may not survive.  I thank God everyday for my healthy fella.

So, I may not have the little girl I wanted, but I have a healthy little boy and that's all that matters.  He's healthy.  Perhaps some day, I will be blessed with a girl.  Maybe she will be healthy, maybe she won't.  However, whether the next baby is a boy or a girl, the outcome doesn't matter, I just want a healthy baby.

I have most certainly learned three invaluable lessons.  The first is that selfishness is a very ugly character trait and I need to shed that particular trait immediately.  The second lesson that I learned is that God knows what he's doing and he obviously felt that what Doug and I needed was a little boy.  I need to have peace with His decision and trust that if God wants us to have a girl, that we will someday have one.  If not, I will be the mom of boys.  The third lesson is that I really desired a baby, not necessarily a boy or a girl, healthy or ill.  How do I know?  Because the little boy that lives in my house lights up my life and makes me smile daily.  He is the reason I am a mommy.

I continue to pray for the families of sick and premature children, that they will find the strength to endure their child's illness and that the children will get better and grow up to be healthy, happy people.  I ask you to do the same.