Motherhood Choice #1

Even before I was pregnant, I read blogs, especially those written by mothers.  I figured I could live vicariously through their lives until I had a family of my own.  Several of the blogs I read advocated for breastfeeding.  One blog in particular stated that if you don't breastfeed, you're a horrible mother who doesn't want a healthy child.  At the time, I disagreed, but I didn't think much more of it.

When I became pregnant with Weston, several people insisted that I nurse the baby.  That it is completely unhealthy and unnatural to give a baby formula.  Other people thought that I should just formula feed from the beginning.  Family history pointed towards me having the inability to nurse, but every woman is different.  Regardless of what people thought, I figured I would make a decision and then whatever happened, happened.

My decision was that I would try to nurse and if it didn't work, I wouldn't be heartbroken.  I was criticized for this choice, people saying that since I had a blase' attitude, I wouldn't put forth the effort to nurse my baby.  However, since breastfeeding is such a 'natural' thing, I wasn't worried.

When Weston was born, I did try to nurse him.  For the first one and a half days we were in the hospital, I tried to breastfeed Weston.  No matter what position he was in, how many times the lactation specialist and nurses tried to help the two of us, Weston would not latch.  He also fell asleep as soon as I put him to my breast.  The morning of the day we were being released, the nurse finally said that the baby needed some nutrition before he could be released, to ensure that everything in his body was working alright.  She brought me formula to feed him.  Although I wasn't going to be nursing him, I didn't feel ashamed for not.

By giving Weston formula, I have definitely still bonded with him just fine.  It also gave Doug the chance to bond with him that he wouldn't have had if I nursed Weston.  When I was struggling with post-partum depression, letting someone else feed him allowed me to get some much-needed sleep and stay sane.  I challenge anyone to prove to me that I am not as bonded with my child as a mother and child who nursed.

We have continued to give Weston the formula for 9 months now.  With the exception of when I had the flu and Weston caught a small strain from me (coughing and a low-grade fever that lasted less than a couple of hours), he has been incredibly healthy. 

The formula being produced today is the closest to breastmilk that it's ever been.  Also, many people I know were given formula way back when and they are healthy, smart individuals.  I truly don't believe that breastmilk is a noticeable amount healthier than formula.

However, I have received a couple of emails and Facebook messages from people who feel like I am a failure as a mother, simply because I chose not to nurse.  I have been lambasted for "intentionally poisoning" my child and for "shunning my child, because clearly you don't want to bond with your child".  I don't feel like I should have to defend my choice to bottle feed (or any parenting choice, really). 

I may or may not nurse my next child.  If I do, good for me.  If I don't, good for me.  I highly doubt that I will bond any more or have any healthier of a child if I nurse.  Ultimately, it is my choice and my business.

Do I believe that if I had nursed him, he'd be any healthier? No.  Do I feel like Mom's antibodies are good for the baby? Yes.  Do I feel like I am doing my child an injustice by not nursing him? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I feel that the parenting community as a whole needs to support each other.  Whether one chooses to nurse or not is an individual choice.  There may also be more reasons below the surface as to why someone didn't nurse.  I support those who nurse and those who formula-feed without bias.  I expect the same support.  Parenting is hard enough without parents judging the decisions of other parents simply because they didn't make the same choice.