Atlanta Zoo

Since we were just in Atlanta and I haven't been in Atlanta in April since 1990, I was thinking back to that trip.

Twenty-one years ago, my mom's whole side of the family decided to meet in Atlanta for a small reunion.  During our trip, everyone decided to go to the Atlanta Zoo.  This thrilled my five year old self because I loved animals and there wasn't a good zoo near where we lived.

Early one morning, we all set out for the zoo to enjoy a good day of family, outdoor air and animals.  Everything was going well when we stopped at the lion enclosure.  My grandmother, who was 57 at the time, seemed out of breath and decided to sit.  Someone asked her if she was ok and she responded that she was "just looking at the lions".  No one thought much of it at the time and we continued on with our day.

After we all had eaten lunch together, some of the adults wanted to go to the Cyclorama, which at 5, I didn't care about seeing. Therefore we split up- I stayed with my parents and my aunt, my grandmother went with two of my uncles and one of my other aunts.  Towards the late afternoon, when we were getting ready to leave and meet the other adults out near the cars, those of us that stayed at the zoo were in the gift shop.

My uncle ran into the gift shop saying that there was something wrong with my grandmother and that we needed to hurry up and come meet up with her.  With that, we set down our purchases and we all booked it across the zoo.  My mom was pregnant at the time and even she ran.

When we got to the Cyclorama, my mom who was a nurse, quickly determined my grandmother was having a heart attack.  We asked an employee for a wheelchair and for a phone to call 911.  The employee declined both and time was wasting, so my uncle ran to get a car. Somehow, perhaps through being carried, my grandmother made it to the front of the building where my uncle picked her up and took her to the hospital.

We later found out that earlier in the day, someone else had suffered a heart attack and ended up dying on the way to the hospital since there was no ambulance.  Luckily, my grandmother didn't have the same fate and after spending several days in the hospital, she was released to go home.

College Graduation

On a warm Spring day three years ago tomorrow, I graduated from college. This was a bittersweet day for a few reasons.
*Back story: I hated college.  I wasn't the biggest fan of school in general.  (I know, I became a teacher). When my grandmother passed away, while we were waiting for the funeral home to come pick her up, I promised her I would finish college and I'd do it for her.

While I was waiting to go into the arena with my fellow College of Education graduates, I took masking tape and wrote "For Amie" on my mortarboard.  No one in my family knew I was going to do this, so they were all taken aback by my message. I really, really missed my grandmother that day and I knew she would have been SO proud of me for finishing school.

Since we graduated in alphabetical order by college, my college had a few in front of us, plus the Master's candidates.  After the Master's candidates graduated, they left, which I found very rude.  I felt as if everyone should have stayed until the entire ceremony was over out of respect for the fellow graduates.  After my college walked across the stage and returned to our seats, I noticed even more graduates had left.  I remarked to those around me how rude it was to leave and be so disruptive before the ceremony was finished.  Little did I know, I was about to eat my words.

About 10 minutes after I returned to my seat, my cell phone vibrated.  I had my phone so that my family could text me where they were sitting and so we could find each other after the ceremony.  The message said "come find us".  I looked up to where they had been sitting and there was no one there.  So I texted back "why?! that's rude to leave just because i've already graduated. y'all are no better than everyone else that has left." I was PISSED! I figured I'd just continue sitting there until it was over, but then various family members continued texting me.  The messages became more and more urgent.  When I got to the lobby and met up with my family, I found out what the hurry was all about. 

One of my aunts had flown to Florida for my graduation, leaving behind her husband, son and daughter.  My cousin had a baseball tournament that weekend and since my uncle was a coach, they decided to just keep my other cousin with them.  On the way home from the tournament, they were involved in a very bad car accident and were all taken to the hospital.  My aunt was understandably shaken and needed to make phone calls.  Everyone was wanted to support her, so it was just easier to leave the arena.

After taking pictures and verifying that my uncle and cousins were going to be alright (my uncle's parents live in Mississippi and were able to go to the hospital), we headed to the Embassy Suites where my parents were hosting a graduation party and dinner for me.  All of my mom's siblings came, along with my my third cousin Leona.  It was a very nice affair and all of my family members gave me items that helped me begin my teaching career.

Thank God For Unanswered Prayers

When I was in the car today, I heard "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks and it made me start thinking about my unanswered prayers.

I think about the several guys that I thought, at the time, could become my husband.  I think about what my life would be like now if I had married any of those guys.  I was SO broken-hearted when those relationships ended.  I thought I'd never find love (not that I loved any of those guys).  I could have been married to a teacher, a Army guy or a policeman.  I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, but more importantly, I wouldn't have Weston.  I know that my life wouldn't be nearly as amazing as it is now.

I also think about if life had worked out the way I had prayed, I would have moved to NYC to teach inner-city children, which means I wouldn't have worked at the learning center where I befriended one of Doug's friends who introduced me to the man of my dreams.  We wouldn't have lived in the same region, much less the same state, so there's no way we would have met each other.

It's no secret that I really want(ed) a girl.  I was devastated when Weston was born and the little girl I so badly wanted was a (not-so) little boy that I didn't know I needed.  I thank God every day for a healthy, adorable, sweet little boy.  I wouldn't trade him for several girls.  He is a mama's boy and I enjoy watching him learn new things and grow up.  It absolutely breaks my heart to think that, at one point, I didn't think I wanted a boy.  It also breaks my heart to think about the fact that he's almost 1.  This doesn't mean that I don't still pray that Baby #2 is a girl, but I can appreciate a boy and if #2 is a boy, I will still be overjoyed.

Lastly, I thank God that my grandmother passed away when she did.  I obviously miss her VERY much and do wish she were here.  However, I know she is no longer in pain and no longer worrying when the next heart attack or stroke will occur.  Her death caused me to re-evaluate life and to see that I needed to finish college.  If she had still been alive, knowing how precious life is, would I have followed a man that I hardly knew to Alabama, causing me to be away from her in her last years?  Would she have approved of me moving in with a guy I hadn't yet married?  No!  I would have respected her wishes and most likely stayed in Florida, perhaps forfeiting my relationship with Doug.

I thank God for unanswered prayers.  Even when we don't think the choice is right or good, it always works out in the end and He has what's best for us planned out.

Dear Amie- Part 7

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 here here here here here and here.  This is the final part.*

2011:
In January we got more snow.  You know I am a very happy girl when there's snow.  Everything in our area closed down for a week due to about 10 inches of snow.

At the end of February, Doug, Weston and I drove up to Kentucky, to see Will before he deployed to the Middle East on March 1st.  This obviously broke Mom's heart, but I think the saddest scene that day was newborn babies or pregnant moms whose husbands were going off to war and were going to miss the first year of their baby's life.

Now it's March, so here's the update on everyone.

UG and AV- AV has written several books on teaching and religion, unrelated I believe.  They are both very involved in their church.  B is on the flag team and track team at school.  She will be 16 this year.

UJ and AD- Since he lost his job, UJ has started a company.  He is also still looking for employment.  AD is working at the trademart every few months.  We are going to visit them at the end of April.

UD and AT- Everything seems good at their house.  AT is still working at the Catholic school.  C plays basketball and baseball, both of which he is very good at.  He will also be 16 this year.  In fact, they just spent spring break touring universities in the South.  He may not go to LSU like his parents.  L plays basketball, softball, she cheers and is part of the runners club.  She will be a teenager this year.  Lord help her parents!

Dad and Mom are in transition right now, trying to find the jobs that are right for them.  They visit us often and enjoy watching Weston grow.

Will is in the Middle East, but he seems safe.  However, when he arrived, he thinks he re-tore his knee...the one the military knows nothing about.  Mercedes is a horrible person.  She didn't have a family life growing up, so she suctioned to Will and our family and I think she's determined to tear us all apart.  No one likes her.  I'd like to think you'd be very impressed with Doug, but I have a feeling that you would have "snatched that girl bald-headed" a LONG time ago.  She's very disrespectful and you would not have put up with that.  Hopefully Will's deployment will give him time to rethink the whole situation.  Maybe not, only time will tell.

Doug, Weston and I are doing well.  Weston is growing so (too) fast.  He's almost 9 months old and he's beginning to crawl as I write this.  He doesn't have any teeth yet, but he loves Gerber food, whipped cream, ice cream and mashed potatoes.  He is such a smart, active and joyful little boy.  He usually has a smile on his face and keeps us laughing.  He is starting to assert his independence a little bit, so that's challenging, but otherwise he is easy-going.  Everyone, even strangers, tells us what a good baby he is and how adorable he is.  We tend to agree on both accounts.

Well, that's about it.  I miss you everyday, sometimes terribly.  I often think of questions for you or wonder what you would think of this or that.  I hope you're enjoying heaven and you and Granddaddy are dancing and having a blast.  I love you very much and will see you again someday.

Love,
Ellery

Dear Amie- Part 6

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 here here here here and here.*

2010:
On January 28th, Mom, Doug and I went to Babies R Us in Mobile to buy the baby's stroller and car seat combination.  You would have been aghast at all the baby contraptions and technology available for babies now.  The baby's car seat locks into a base that stays in the car.  That way, you can easily take the baby in and out of the car without having to fuss with locking it into a car seat each time.

On UG and AV's 8th wedding anniversary, Doug and I had the "big" ultrasound, where we could find out the gender of the baby and the doctor looked for any abnormalities.  We chose not to find out the baby's gender and the doctor found no abnormalities.  Yay!  We also didn't tell anyone what our name choices were.  So Mom and AT decided that the baby's name was Shawntavius Shanequa.  I don't know, they're your children.

On the 5th anniversary of your passing, Doug and I moved to Gautier with Mom.  Our house was not big enough for our impending addition and Mom had a large house all to herself, since Dad went to work in upstate Alabama.

In April, Mom threw me a baby shower.  Unfortunately, a lot of people couldn't make it, but AT, L, Aunt Em (shocker, I know) and a wife of one of Doug's co-workers came to the shower.  It was very nice and intimate and the baby received a lot of great things.  He or she would be set for sure.  Everyone thought I was having a boy, so we received a lot of boy clothes.

In May, Doug and I took a couple last pre-baby trips to New Orleans and Gatlinburg, Tennessee for some R&R.  Mom and Dad came with us to Gatlinburg.  Will and Mercedes were supposed to meet us, but ultimately didn't.  It was very nice to get away for a few days each time.  L graduated from 5th grade with a small ceremony.  Since it was only 5th grade, only parents were invited, so we didn't go.  I'm sure you would have been there with tears of pride streaming down your face.

In mid-June, the doctor determined that the little one wasn't so little.  With almost a month left until my due date, the baby was already 7lbs, 4oz.  The doctor decided to induce me a little early since the baby was clearly ready to be born.  On June 30th, your great-grandson, Weston Luke was born.  He was 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 22 inches long.  Even the OB stated that he was "solid" as I was delivering him.  He was born with a ton of dark brown hair and blue eyes.  Not the typical "baby" blue eyes, but blue eyes like yours.  I wonder what you would have thought about him.  We didn't know that Weston was a family name until Mom and Uncle Duck told me. Mom was disappointed (as was I) that he was not a girl, but he is SUCH a joy, I wouldn't trade him for a girl now.  AT, C and L came to visit us at the hospital.  C was afraid to hold Weston, but eventually did.

For Weston's first holiday, 4th of July, we went and watched fireworks at the top of the Beau Rivage casino in Biloxi.  I wish you, or someone, had told me how difficult parenthood is.  In late July, after I struggled with post-partum depression, L came to visit for a few days and play with Weston.  She was such a big help.  I need a live-in 12 year old!

In August, B and C started 10th grade and L started 6th.  Weston slept through the night towards the beginning of the month, which was very nice of him.  However, from the time he was born, Mom was a night nanny for him and about 4 days out of the week, she and Weston would go "bar-hopping", which was their idea of late night feedings.  It was very helpful and the sleep helped my PPD subside some.

In September, Doug had his first business trip since Weston was born, so for about 4 days, I was a single-parent.  It's not at all easy!  I also celebrated my first birthday as a mommy.  Doug and I celebrated one year of marriage...with a 9 week old.  Not what we planned, but absolutely perfect.

For Weston's first Halloween, he dressed up as an adorable caterpillar.  We went to a downtown trick-or-treat event and he promptly fell asleep.  You would have tried to overcandy him his parents, but loved on him as well.

At the beginning of November, Doug and I moved to a beautiful house in north Alabama.  Mom tried to convince me to leave Weston behind, but sadly for her, we brought him along.  We all went to UJ's for Thanksgiving.  It was a nice several days for our family.  This was the first time UJ and AD met Weston.  They think he is amazing...he IS!

Weston's first Christmas was awesome! Not only did Santa come to visit, but it SNOWED!!  We got a few inches of snow overnight Christmas Eve, so we woke up to a white Christmas.  Amazing!!  Dad, Mom, Will and Mercedes all came to our house on Christmas Eve to spend the night with us.

Dear Amie- Part 5

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 here here here and here.*

2009:
In January, we got a black Labrador puppy that was from a litter of Mom and Will's yellow and chocolate, respectively, Labradors.  Doug's favorite baseball team is the Chicago Cubs, so the puppy was named Waveland Wrigley for a street outside of Wrigley field.  She is quite the adorable thing, except at 3am when it is frigid out, she doesn't know to do her business immediately and then wants to play around when we go back inside.  Doug and I also finalized a church to get married in.  We wanted to get married in the beautiful stained glass sanctuary on east Manatee Avenue, but they were ridiculously expensive, so we settled on Kirkwood Presbyterian, with Leona's help.  She passed away shortly after helping us reserve the church.

In February, Mom threw me a surprise bridal shower, which was so amazing and unexpected (I know, hence "surprise").  Doug and I received a lot of great housewares, we played games and everyone else ate great food.  Also, the same week, that crazy Great Dane ate a towel.  Her surgery coincided with the bridal shower.  It was an interesting day to say the least. 

In March, that horrid girl Mercedes convinced Will to join the Army, even though he had a full scholarship to UWF.  We all tried to talk him out of it, but it didn't work.  It's nice that he's following in Granddaddy's Army footsteps, but we are still fighting the war from the September 11th attacks.  He also neglected to mention to the Army that his knee was torn.  Because it was not surgically repaired, he had no visible scars.

In March, Doug and I moved out of our apartment in Mobile and into a house in Ocean Springs, Mississippi.  You didn't miss much if you've never been there.  Hattie and Waveland much appreciated having a yard to run around in.  We also discovered that we had a resident tortoise that lived in our backyard.  We named him "Henry".  Remember when you named every squirrel you saw "Toby"?

In May, Doug and I finally found a venue to hold our reception, Lakewood Ranch Country Club.  However, since 10/10 wasn't available, we changed the date to 9/12.  I thought it would be great to make my wedding anniversary on your birthday.  It now gives us something happy to think about on that date.  Also, Will completed high school.

In June, Mom, Dad and Will moved to Gautier, Mississippi- another "if you blink, you miss it" town on the gulf coast.  Doug and I threw Will a very small graduation party (cake, streamers, balloons) to celebrate his graduation from high school.

On the 4th of July, Will left to go back to Florida so that he could catch the bus to Basic Training at Ft. Benning in Columbus, GA, where Granddaddy also trained.  It broke Mom's heart that she wouldn't be able to see him or talk to him for about 2 months.  I was upset that he wouldn't be able to attend my wedding.

In August, I got my scuba diving certification so that Doug and I could scuba dive on our honeymoon.  I had a bad experience during my certification, so although I hold a certification, I don't use it much ever.  Also, B and C started high school (!) and L started 5th grade.

In September, Doug and I got married.  I woke up that morning to a rainstorm of hurricane proportions.  I have decided it was your tears falling from heaven, since you were sad you couldn't be at my wedding.  Uncle Duck walked Mom down the aisle.  C read a bible verse during the ceremony.  It was a beautiful ceremony and reception, but you were truly missed.  I wasn't at all nervous that day, but I was extremely sad you weren't there.  You probably wouldn't have liked our wedding cake design- it was FAR from traditional.  Will sent a speech he had written for UJ to read at the reception.  Only one problem, UJ ended up so sick, he couldn't attend the wedding or reception.  He ended up calling an ambulance to the hotel during the reception and then UD took AD, in tears, to the hospital to see him.  I've decided we can't gather family together without a hospital being involved.  When we left our reception, Doug and I went to Sarasota Memorial in our wedding finery to say hey to UJ.  We spent our wedding night at the Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota.  Our room overlooked the park where Doug proposed.  I don't know why UJ insists on staying at those, they're not worth the money, but it was nice to have a fancy room for our wedding night.  Doug planned our honeymoon without my input, so I had no idea where we were going until we reached our connecting flight out of Miami.  We ended up going to St. John, a beautiful island in the Virgin Islands.  Doug had rented us a house up in the middle of a mountain.  It was very relaxing and peaceful and we enjoyed it fully.  Maybe too much...

In October, Doug and I drove up to Jackson (about a 3 hour drive) to see L play softball.  She is a good all-around player and she's a great pitcher too.  I know you and Granddaddy would be so proud of her skills.  I also got my name legally changed on everything and in my Mississippi license, I am well-tanned and definitely look like a newlywed.  Or maybe I just had a "glow".  We went to visit Will for "Family Day" in late October.  I wasn't feeling all that great, but really didn't think anything of it.  However, I felt progressively worse as the weekend went on.  Doug and I began to suspect perhaps we had brought home a more "lasting" souvenir from St. John.  On October 29th, we found out that we were expecting your first great-grandchild.  To say that we were scared and not ready for a baby this early in marriage would be a gross understatement. 

By November, we came around to the idea that we were going to be parents.  We began to get very excited about this little person.  On November 8th, we had our first prenatal appointment.  We found out that our little one was going to be a patriotic child, with a due date of July 4th.  On November 12th, Will graduated from Basic Training.  That morning, we went to breakfast with UJ and AD before the ceremony.  Apparently, this is the day morning sickness kicked in big time.  All I could muster to eat was one piece of bread.  AT told me later that AD called her on the way back home to tell her she thought I was pregnant.  Mom swears she knew before that day, but when I was so green around the gills, it was confirmed.  However, we were waiting for Doug's parents to visit, perhaps for Thanksgiving, so we didn't say anything to anyone while we were in Georgia.  Doug's parents couldn't visit, so on November 19th, we finally spoke up, that we were, in fact, making all four of them grandparents for the first time.  On November 23rd, against the better judgement of EVERYONE, Will married Mercedes at the courthouse in Mobile.  So, both of Mom's children were married in a matter of 2 1/2 months.  A year previously, she had both of us at home and now we had both spread our wings and I was expecting a baby.  Will was stationed at Ft. Knox in Kentucky.  It's not all that impressive.  Also, UJ let us know that due to a merger with his company and a much larger company, he had lost his job after many years of service.

On December 4th, Doug and I saw our jellybean for the first time.  When we took Mom the ultrasound pictures, she was just glowing with excitement.  I'm sure she wanted to pick up the phone and call you to tell you all about this new addition.  We had another ultrasound on December 22nd and again Mom beamed with pride over her new grandchild.  She, of course, overbought for this unborn miracle, as I'm sure you would have, had you been with us.

Dear Amie- part 4

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Parts 1, 2 and 3 here here and here.*
2008:
In January I started my final internship.  This was all day, every day teaching.  I thought I wanted to teach young children, so the college assigned me to Kindergarten.  In 4 weeks time, I went from teaching personable 5th graders to teaching essentially babies.  For the record, Kindergarten is NOT for me.  Also, LSU won the national championship in football.  I know you don't care, but UD, AT, C, L and I were very excited.

I made a promise to you as I laid next to you the night you passed away that I would graduate from college and I'd do it for you.  In April, I did graduate, with the highest honors, with my elementary education degree.  I used tape and put the words "For Amie" on my mortarboard.  In fact, the mortarboard still has the tape affixed to it.  That same day, UD, C and L got into a pretty bad car accident.  They were all ok, but the Tahoe wasn't.  They have a newer vehicle- one you'd be able to climb into better.  Also in April, Will met a horrible girl named Mercedes (more about her later).  He also tore his knee playing rugby.  This also comes into play later in the letter.

In June, Dad, Mom, Will, Mercedes and I all went on a road trip to Washington D.C. for the 4th of July.  While we were in that part of the country, I also convinced them to go to Philadelphia (remember when you and I went back in 1992?) and New York.  Had I known what my very near future was going to hold, I would have had Mom take me to Kleinfeld's Bridal Boutique.  Overall, we had a pretty good time and had I known it would be my last family vacation, I would have tried to enjoy it more, but with Mercedes and I butting heads 99% of the time we were gone, it wasn't as relaxing as it could have been.

In August, I met the man of my dreams.  His name is Doug and we met through a friend.  He is an aerospace and mechanical engineer in south Mississippi.  He was born in Connecticut and raised in Florida.  He went to the University of Florida, which you know went over well with UG and his Florida State loving self.  Also, LSU and UF are very competitive in football, so that's also interesting during football season.  I knew it was meant to be when I found out he was born on you and Granddaddy's anniversary- the first one you had without him.  He has dark hair and blue eyes, so there is hope yet for a blue-eyed great-grandchild.  I think you'd really like him; he's very sweet to me and wants nothing but the best for me.  Also, Will started his senior year, B and C started 8th and L started 4th. 

In September, with my current job ending, due to my employer's tax fraud, I decided to apply to jobs closer to Doug.  I quickly found one and moved to Mobile, AL and lived with Doug.  I know you wouldn't have approved of us living together before marriage, especially after knowing each other for such a short time, but it made the most financial sense.  Please don't be upset.  At the end of the month, I began teaching 3rd grade students with varying exceptionalities.  Sort of like Mom's first year of teaching, but worse.  I had one student who knocked over a porta potty while inside due to his ADHD and another student who had issues leaving his hands above the table...shall we say.

In November, the United States elected the first African-American president.  I know that this would not mesh with you- it doesn't mesh well with a lot of people.  I dragged Doug to Mistletoe where he met UD, AT, C and L for the first time.  UD and Doug talked football and professional jobs and C and Doug played video games together.  He also thought L was adorable, which she is.

In December, Doug proposed to me and of course I said yes.  We began planning a wedding for 10/10/09 thinking it would be cool to have our first anniversary on 10/10/10.  Unfortunately, the venue we wanted wasn't available on that date, since apparently others had the same idea.  We then went to Atlanta for our annual family gathering, where Doug met the rest of the crazy family members for the first time.  We also announced our engagement when everyone arrived.

Dear Amie- Part 3

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Part 1 here and you can read Part 2 here*
2007:
Right around St. Patty's Day, I got very sick with a still-undetermined illness.  I was hospitalized for a week, but the overall outcome was positive.  Over the next year, I lost almost 100 pounds and on college graduation day, I was a size 0.

I had a grueling summer class schedule.  Since I didn't have housing, I drove to Ft. Myers every Monday evening, took a 4 hour course and stayed with a friend.  Then, on Tuesday, I had class from 8am-9pm and then I drove back home.  It was the hardest 2 months of classes and driving I had done, but I received all A's for the summer, so it was all worth it.

In August, I began my first teaching internship.  I taught a lovely group of 5th grade gifted students half days on Tuesday and Thursday and all day on Wednesdays.  They reminded me a lot of myself at that age-goofy, awkward, but very sweet.  It was so much fun and if/when I return to teaching, this is the age group I would like to teach. Will started 11th grade, B and C 7th and L 3rd.

In November, Mom had surgery for vascular artery disease.  I was terrified I was going to lose her, since she doesn't do well with anesthesia.  However, she came through with flying colors.  She even quit smoking...for a while.

Dear Amie- Part 2

*I am writing a letter to my grandmother.  You can read Part 1 here*

2006:
In April, Will totaled your Altima.  He wasn't at all injured and the car was technically still driveable, but totaled nonetheless.

In July, Mom, Will and I moved to Orlando...for about 3 weeks.  The county that had hired Mom to teach ended up having to lay off a bunch of people and Mom just happened to be one of them.  However, while we were there, the "big-footed oaf" Great Dane puppy that I wanted so badly arrived.  You'd love how goofy she was.  She tripped all over her lanky legs and gigantic paws.  I named her Manhattan, since I love NYC so much, but we call her Hattie, a nice Southern name you could be proud of.

In August, Mom and Will moved back in with Dad and I went off to college.  I went to Florida Gulf Coast University in Ft. Myers and therefore was a lot closer to home this time and I would have been able to see you a lot more often than I did when I first went to college.  Which reminds me, when I was cleaning out my belongings to move in with Doug, whom you'll hear more about in a bit, I found a lot of noted and postcards you sent to me in Pensacola.  I am so, so, so sorry that I didn't ever write back.  I guess at 18, the beach and friends were more important.  I feel pretty badly about that.  Also in August, Will started 10th, B and C started 6th and L started 2nd grade.

In September, Will got his driver's license and with it, your Altima.  He enjoyed having a car and I think having a piece of you brought him some comfort.  He never really showed emotion after you passed, but he was internally devastated.  Having your scent in the car was eerily refreshing.

Dear Amie

*Over the next several days, I will be writing a letter to my grandmother.*

Dear Amie,


It has been six long years since you passed away.  So much has happened in the past six years.


2005:
The night before you passed, AT called and told you that in May, she, UD, C and L would be coming so that you could finally take them to Disney World.  You stated that May was a long time away.  I think you knew that you weren't going to make it until then to see your youngest grandchildren enjoy the wonder that is Disney.  When they came in May, we went and had a great time.  L was scared of the dark rides, like Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion.  I know you would have stayed outside with her or cuddled her, ensuring her she was safe.

In August, Will started 9th grade, B and C started 5th grade and L started 1st grade.  Also, a category 5 hurricane, Katrina, struck New Orleans and Mississippi.  It probably wiped out the house you had down there and there are still clean-up efforts going on.  Apparently you order a National Geographic Atlas before you passed away.  We received it in early September and it was bookmarked to Louisiana.  Mom felt like you were sending a message that you were alright, since you like LA a lot.


In September, I turned 21.  Even though I am not one to party and I wasn't particularly looking forward to my birthday, it was even harder realizing your birthday was two days away and we weren't going to celebrate it.  Sometimes growing up, it was hard to have to share a cake with you (even though we all knew it was mostly for me) or have joint gift-opening sessions.  As I grew up, I didn't mind as much.  This year though, it was gut-wrenching to have to celebrate alone.  Mom threw me a surprise party and I didn't want to go.  I just wanted to wallow in self-pity.  I ended up going and having a lot of fun.  Also, Will got his learner's permit, but was scared to drive.  One day, Mom and I took him out to give him practice.  He was going too fast and we told him to turn down a side street.  He turned into an oncoming truck and so to avoid an accident, he swerved into someone's yard.  There are still skid marks dug into the ground today, 5 1/2 years later.


In November, Will, mom and I decided to go to Mistletoe in your memory.  We knew you would want us to go and have fun, even though it was incredibly hard to walk through those doors without you.

The first Thanksgiving and Christmas without you was very hard.  Especially since I was expecting a Great Dane puppy under the tree.  Perhaps I thought a puppy would help ease the lack of companionship I suddenly found myself with when you left.  Seriously though, not having you to be the matriarch of our Christmas was like having no Christmas at all.  Dad tried to make your stuffing.  It tasted like the Christmas tree.  We told him that, because none of us could choke it down to be polite, he agreed.  No one made the stuffing (or ambrosia) like you did.

Right before the new year, your children finally sold your house.  It was bittersweet.  On one hand, we didn't have to keep thinking about it, keeping up the maintenance, knowing you're not there, torturing ourselves by going over there.  On the other hand though, it was sad to give up the last piece of you, even if it did have the eggplant colored wall.

I'm pretty sure we all got together at UJ's to celebrate the new year, which would hopefully bring happiness and joy, which would be a nice change from the sadness we all felt this year  We laughed and cried and it just wasn't the same without you.  No holiday or get-together ever will be from now on.

If Only I'd Known

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Six years ago today, my grandmother, Amie, and I went out to dinner.  It wasn't really for St. Patrick's Day, but because we were hungry.

We saw several restaurants advertising corned beef and cabbage.  I am not at all a fan of this meal, so when my grandmother suggested we go somewhere for corned beef and cabbage, I selfishly told her that perhaps next year she and her very Irish friend Kay could go out for this meal.

Had I known that she would only have two more dinners on Earth, I would have found something on the menu at one of the Irish restaurants so that Amie could have had corned beef and cabbage for her final St. Patrick's Day. 

I feel horrible that I denied my grandmother a meal she wanted, simply because I was too picky to eat at one of the Irish restaurants.

Sorry Amie!

Senior Citizen Tables

Last night, Doug and I went to dinner.  Across from our table, there was an elderly man dining by himself.  He looked sad to be alone.  He was fairly far through his meal, otherwise I would have invited him to dine with us.

My grandmother was widowed in 1984 at the young age of 51.  She passed away in 2005 at the age of 72.  For 21 1/2 years, my grandmother lived alone.  She had many occasions of going out to dinner by herself and she always felt lonely.

One of the places she liked to dine was Cracker Barrel.  She mentioned to me that it would be nice if places that have a lot of elderly customers would take a big table and set it aside for senior citizens, who would normally be dining alone, to sit together and have conversations.  This way, older diners would have the choice of sitting by themselves or sitting with other people their age.

When I saw the older gentleman across the aisle, I thought of the community table idea my grandmother had many years ago.

AFI Top 100 Movies

Since I was talking about my favorite movie yesterday, Pretty Woman, I figured today I would see which movies from the American Film Institute's "100 Movies" I have seen.  Surprisingly, Pretty Woman is not on the top 100.  Haha. I have highlighted the ones I have seen in green and the ones I have not in red.  At the end, I'll have a final count of the movies I've seen vs. those I haven't and share any anecdotes I may have about the movies.

#	MOVIE	YEAR
1	CITIZEN KANE	1941
2	THE GODFATHER	1972
3	CASABLANCA	1942
4	RAGING BULL	1980
5	SINGIN' IN THE RAIN	1952
6	GONE WITH THE WIND	1939
7	LAWRENCE OF ARABIA	1962
8	SCHINDLER'S LIST	1993
9	VERTIGO	1958
10	THE WIZARD OF OZ	1939
11	CITY LIGHTS	1931
12	THE SEARCHERS	1956
13	STAR WARS	1977
14	PSYCHO	1960
15	2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY	1968
16	SUNSET BLVD.	1950
17	THE GRADUATE	1967
18	THE GENERAL	1927
19	ON THE WATERFRONT	1954
20	IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE	1946
21	CHINATOWN	1974
22	SOME LIKE IT HOT	1959
23	THE GRAPES OF WRATH	1940
24	E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL	1982
25	TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD	1962
26	MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON	1939
27	HIGH NOON	1952
28	ALL ABOUT EVE	1950
29	DOUBLE INDEMNITY	1944
30	APOCALYPSE NOW	1979
31	THE MALTESE FALCON	1941
32	THE GODFATHER PART II	1974
33	ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST	1975
34	SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS	1937
35	ANNIE HALL	1977
36	THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI	1957
37	THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES	1946
38	THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE	1948
39	DR. STRANGELOVE	1964
40	THE SOUND OF MUSIC	1965
41	KING KONG	1933
42	BONNIE AND CLYDE	1967
43	MIDNIGHT COWBOY	1969
44	THE PHILADELPHIA STORY	1940
45	SHANE	1953
46	IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT	1934
47	A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE	1951
48	REAR WINDOW	1954
49	INTOLERANCE	1916
50	THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING	2001
51	WEST SIDE STORY	1961
52	TAXI DRIVER	1976
53	THE DEER HUNTER	1978
54	M*A*S*H	1970
55	NORTH BY NORTHWEST	1959
56	JAWS	1975
57	ROCKY	1976
58	THE GOLD RUSH	1925
59	NASHVILLE	1975
60	DUCK SOUP	1933
61	SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS	1941
62	AMERICAN GRAFFITI	1973
63	CABARET	1972
64	NETWORK	1976
65	THE AFRICAN QUEEN	1951
66	RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK	1981
67	WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?	1966
68	UNFORGIVEN	1992
69	TOOTSIE	1982
70	A CLOCKWORK ORANGE	1971
71	SAVING PRIVATE RYAN	1998
72	THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION	1994
73	BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID	1969
74	THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS	1991
75	IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT	1967
76	FORREST GUMP	1994
77	ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN	1976
78	MODERN TIMES	1936
79	THE WILD BUNCH	1969
80	THE APARTMENT	1960
81	SPARTACUS	1960
82	SUNRISE	1927
83	TITANIC	1997
84	EASY RIDER	1969
85	A NIGHT AT THE OPERA	1935
86	PLATOON	1986
87	12 ANGRY MEN	1957
88	BRINGING UP BABY	1938
89	THE SIXTH SENSE	1999
90	SWING TIME	1936
91	SOPHIE'S CHOICE	1982
92	GOODFELLAS	1990
93	THE FRENCH CONNECTION	1971
94	PULP FICTION	1994
95	THE LAST PICTURE SHOW	1971
96	DO THE RIGHT THING	1989
97	BLADE RUNNER	1982
98	YANKEE DOODLE DANDY	1942
99	TOY STORY	1995
100	BEN-HUR	1959

So, the final count:
I have seen 17 movies.
I have not seen  83 movies.

Of the 17 I have seen, 5 of the movies were seen in school or for school.  I only watched Ben Hur because I would be getting extra credit for watching it and the boy I liked was going.  You better believe I sat right next to him and also didn't watch most of the movie because I was staring at him.  I watched Streetcar Named Desire because I was supposed to have read the book, but didn't, so I had to get my knowledge from the movie and pray that the movie was the same as the book.  I hated Dr. Strangelove and the teacher that made us watch it.

I thought Taxi Driver and Silence of the Lambs were incredibly weird and twisted.

Schindler's List is a very powerful movie, but because it is so long (3 hours and 15 min), I have only seen it once.

My grandmother and I watched The Sound of Music the Christmas before she passed away.  A few days later, I bought it because I liked it and liked watching it with her.  Unfortunately, before we had a chance to watch the DVD, she passed away.  It is still in its cellophane wrapper almost 6 years later.  

Sadly, I've seen Jaws far more time than I should have.  I am now scared to go in the ocean and yet, I have my scuba diving license.

You would think being Italian, I would have seen Godfather or Goodfellas, but I haven't.

I also haven't seen, nor do I have any desire to, Wizard of Oz or Gone With the Wind.  My family thinks that this is crazy.  They think that one should see both of these movies by my age, but definitely during their lifetime.

I will probably die without seeing most of these movies, simply because I just don't care to see them.  I think God will forgive me.

6 Christmases

My family and I are getting ready to spend our 6th Christmas without the matriarch of our family, Amie.  Amie's real name is Nancy, but when grandchildren began being born, she decided she'd be called "Grammy".  I, being the eldest grandchild, couldn't (or didn't choose to) pronounce Grammy, so she became "Ammy" or "Amie".  Everyone- uncles, aunts, cousins, extended family- all called her that.

She was more than just the matriarch to our family.  My grandfather died in 1984, before any grandchildren were born and just after his youngest child's 19th birthday.  This left Amie to be a father and a grandfather, along with being a mother and grandmother.  She went on field trips, climbed in tents and fixed cars and plumbing.  She fixed boo-boos, dried tears and went fishing.  She was the greatest person I've ever known.

Amie has missed so much in the past almost 6 years.  My brother and I have both gotten married, I have had a precious little boy, I graduated from college, my cousins have began driving (watch out!) and my youngest cousin is a beautiful tween.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and wish she could be here to see how her grandchildren are turning out and to meet her great-grandson.  I do, however, know that she is watching over all of her family and likes what she sees.

On a lighter note, Advent day 22: