Making New Friends

A warm welcome to those of you coming from Kelly's Korner! 

My name is Ellery and I live in North Alabama.  I am married to Doug, an engineer and I am a former teacher, now SAHM to Weston, our almost 2 year old son and a new baby due in August.  We have a Great Dane and a black Labrador.  

I enjoy going to church and hanging out with my family and friends.  In the fall, SEC football is on as much as possible.  We are a house divided between University of Florida and LSU.  Living in Alabama and Auburn territory is difficult, but we make it work.

We've lived in North Alabama since November 2010, but I grew up on the Gulf Coast of Florida and have lived in Mobile, Gulf Coast Mississippi and Texas.  I would love to live where it snows on a regular basis, but I do enjoy Alabama.

This kind of sounds like a personal ad, so I am going to stop here.  Maybe we can be friends?

Happy New Year!

Happy 2012!!

Obviously I had trouble keeping up with the blog last year.  I think I set my own expectations too high, posting every day.  I'm going to try to be a better blogger this upcoming year.

I have several things going on this year that are exciting, beginning with a new pen pal that I was matched up with through Leslie's blog.

I'm not making any resolutions for the year, but I am making goals.

• Be a better blogger
• Spend more time "present" with my family and friends (less iPhone, computer, iPad time)
• Enjoy each day
• Eat healthier

I hope everyone's 2012 is better than 2011.  

Filters

Doug and I were talking this afternoon about people saying what they think before thinking about what they say.  As one ages, generally, they begin thinking about what comes out of their mouth and process it before actually saying it.  It is in the best interest of an adult (for their job, relationship) to filter the things that go through their mind before allowing inappropriate thoughts to exit the mouth.


I don't know if it's the Italian in him, the way he was raised or what, but my dad never has and never will have a filter.  It's just how he is.  Everyone who knows him has just learned to either ignore him or pretend not to know him in public.  He says what he thinks when he thinks it and doesn't care who is offended.


I have a family member that is old enough to know the importance of using a filter, but is too immature to and/or absolutely refuses to use a filter.  This has led to many arguments within our family when dealing with this person.


I admit, I used to have no filter whatsoever.  I used to say everything that came to my mind and it got me into a lot of trouble through the years.  I won't say I always use my filter even now that I'm older, but I definitely try as much as I can.

Free Dinner...Sort Of

When I first went away to college, I found that my funds were...lacking.  Somehow, I had thought that the little bit of money I had earned at my summer job would pay for gas, food and all of my social engagements.  Who knew that milk was so expensive? Or that toilet paper is consumed at such an alarming rate?

My friend Cynthia and I had to become creative with our finances very quickly if we occasionally wanted to see the outside of our dorm rooms.  One day, we struck upon "free" entertainment.  We still had to pay for gas, but otherwise, we could go out for several hours and spend nada.

We would go up to our local Books-A-Million to read books, take quizzes and watch parents melt down almost as quickly as their children were.  You could always tell when a parent wanted to be at the bookstore and the child wanted to be anywhere but.  It was quite humorous and I counted my blessings that I could walk into such a store, find a book, sit down and read without interruption.  I wonder if college students look at me with pity now and count their blessings.  However, now, I am glad that I have a little one to share my love of books with and I (most of the time) wouldn't trade the quick, quiet trips to a bookstore or library for the wonder I am beginning to see on my little boy's face when we read a new story.

Anyway, back to free dinner.  In the parking lot of Books-A-Million was an O'Charley's.  For those of you who don't know what O'Charley's is, it is basically like a Bennigan's or Chili's.  When you are seated at O'Charley's, they give you complementary rolls, butter and water.  Cynthia and I quickly figured out that if we asked for lemons and used the sugar on the table, we could make lemonade for ourselves.  Between the lemonade and rolls, we had a (free!) poor man's dinner.  It wasn't the most nutritious or filling meal we could have found, but it agreed with our wallets.  Therefore, we had a lot of roll and lemonade dinners.  We went there enough that the servers finally just began bringing us lemons and refilled our rolls, knowing that we were ordering on a limited budget.

Although I am glad that I can afford better meals than those early college O'Charley's ones, there is something to be said for the ingenuity of college freshmen.  Those days were easier in a way, but again, I wouldn't trade this life for my former one.

Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of Valentine's Day today, I'm remembering my 1st non-family Valentine and my 1st Valentine's gift, which weren't from the same person.

My first non-family Valentine was in 2nd grade.  His name was Jim and our families were friends.  I don't know if it was on a dare or I just decided to do this on my own accord, but while he was drinking from the water fountain at school, after recess, I swooped in and kissed him on the lips.  Looking back, obviously that was the wrong time, because who wants to kiss a sweaty boy?  I don't remember him being enamored with my actions and I'm pretty sure he didn't talk to me for awhile.  The last time I saw Jim was in high school.  I will say, he was cute even then.

The first time I got something on Valentine's Day from someone other than my family was back in 1994, when I was in 4th grade.  I had a "boyfriend", Andrew.  We saw each other at school and luckily for our young "love", we went to the same after-school care.  On Valentine's Day, when my mom picked me up, Andrew got permission to run out to our car and give me a rose.  Where he had been hiding it, I'm not sure, but it was a very sweet gesture.

Our "love" soon fizzled out and that was that.  I still remember my first Valentine's gift...and wonder why I thought he was so cute.  Lol.

Life Changes

I was watching "Boy Meets World" today (yes, the mid-90's sitcom) and it got me thinking.


Cory and Topanga were getting married and Shawn was having a hard time coping with their marriage.  At first, I thought it was because he was jealous.  It turns out, however, that Shawn was upset because he knew that he and Cory were not going to be best friends anymore because Cory was marrying his new best friend.


I started thinking about my own life and my own friends.  In August of 2008, I had several friends, both single and married.  I then moved away to teach in another state and be with Doug.  When I moved, although I still talked to my friends, it was clear things had changed.


See, when I lived in Florida, I was the single girl and I had nothing tying me down.  I could just get up and go where ever, whenever.  Just a short time later, I was the married girl.  I now had a husband to confer with and figure into my plans.  Very shortly after I was the married girl, I was then a mom.  I now had to include a husband and a baby into my plans. 


For my friends back home, especially the single ones, it seemed like in less than two years, we went from having a lot in common to really having nothing in common.


Doug is also finding that friends from college that were really good friends of his, he doesn't talk to except very occasionally.  I've tried telling him, that a) we live about 10 hours away from where he went to college, where a lot of people still live b) some of his friends are single, some are married, but only one of his friends has a child and that baby is only 5 days old.  Doug's life and his friends' lives are different than they were 3 years ago.  I'm afraid that even if we moved back to the area he went to college, he would find himself no longer part of the "group".  Oh sure, his friends may talk to him more often, but they've all forged new friendships in his absence.  It's kind of like this situation.


Even my little brother has learned this sad lesson.  After Thanksgiving, he and his wife went back to the small town we grew up in.  They wanted to see all their friends that they left behind just 18 months earlier.  They very quickly found out that the people in our small town were either in college, which neither my brother nor his wife are, or the friends were slackers sitting around doing nothing with their lives, which my brother's not.  Also, none of their friends are married.  With my brother already completing Army training and being slightly more worldly than a typical 20 year old and he being married, there wasn't a whole lot that the "old" friends had in common with him anymore.


I think that the great thing about Facebook, among the many not-so-good things, is that you can stay in touch with people you grew up with or knew.  I am friends with people on FB that I wasn't friends with in high school or in my old town.  These people and I have things in common now though.  We both have children or we're both stay-at-home moms or we both became teachers, etc.


People say 'you can't go home'.  I think that this statement is true if you expect everything to be the same as when you left.  If you are open-minded and realize that everyone's life changes, moves on with or without your presence, you can go home again, if only for a short while.

My "Education"

Before I left to go to college, my uncle gave me the following advice:

"Don't let school get in the way of your education."

This was the same uncle who begged his professors to let him graduate on the day of graduation, so I took his advice with a grain of salt.

However, these are the non-school things I learned while in college:

• Wal-Mart is not a good place to be at 3am when you have an 8am class.
• No matter how pleasant the weather is outside, sitting in class is a better option than sitting at the beach.  Not only do you get sun-poisoning, but you also have trouble passing the class, since you weren't there for the material.
• If you choose to spend your first year of college doing the two activities above instead of class, your parents make you come home and work for a while to earn money to pay your own way through college.  No more gravy train.
• Getting involved in activities helps home-sickness.
• The freedom that being away from home brings can be handled 2 ways: responsibly or irresponsibly.  I suggest the former rather than the latter.  Grades tend to better.
• Some of the friends you make in college are lifelong.  Some are just using you.
• The "Freshman 15" is very real, especially when you don't get a good home-cooked meal and the local drive-thru employees know your order by heart.
• Living close enough to home to occasionally visit is much better than living so far away you can only go home for the holidays.
• You can't lie to your parents about what you're really doing in college.  Eventually they find out the truth.
• Going 109mph in a 70mph zone equals a $274 ticket.
• Roommates get along better when they all have their own space to retreat to.
• Returning to where you went to college after you leave/graduate is bittersweet.

Depending on what you make of your college experience, they can be the best days of your life. 

Roommates

My first experience with a roommate was on a trip to Europe in 2000.  I went with my 3rd cousin, who was in her mid-60's.  She was notorious for snoring and the advice I received before I left was to fall asleep before she did or I never would.  As I have mentioned before, I have to have the tv on when I am going to sleep.  Well, between her snoring and my tv watching, we had several tense nights.


When I first went to college, I lived in a freshman dorm that was built for 2 people per room.  All we had was a giant room with two beds and two desks in it.  I met my first roommate at freshman orientation and it seemed like we would get along great.  When we actually started living together, we quickly realized we were complete opposites.  She liked to party, I didn't.  I wanted to be in bed early-ish, she came rolling in at 3 am.  By the time our 18th birthdays rolled around at the beginning of September, we were no longer roommates.

The roommate that I had after that was very strange.  She was 6' and slept in our tiny, and I do mean tiny, bathroom.  She had a perfectly good bed, but instead chose the bathroom as her sleeping area.  She was only my roommate for about 6 weeks and then she dropped out. 

When I returned from Christmas break, I had a new roommate.  She and I were roommates for the whole semester.  She was anorexic and would be throwing up at all hours of the day and night.  Since the bathroom was in our room, I heard it all.  It wasn't fun.  Also, I had a boyfriend and she wouldn't let him come in our room to pick me up.  He had to wait outside until I was ready.  She didn't feel uncomfortable with him around, she just thought that girls and guys should not be in a room together.  She was waiting for her wedding day to kiss her boyfriend (who was gay).

When I transferred to a different college, I moved into dorms, but they were like apartments.  There were 4 people to an apartment and we each had our own room.  2 people shared bathrooms and we all shared the kitchen and living room.  I definitely liked this arrangement better.  If we all wanted to hang out and chat, we could, but if we needed to study or wanted time to ourselves, we could go to our own rooms.

My first year at the new college, my 3 roommates were a freshman, a junior and a senior.  The freshman's room was right next to mine and she came and went at weird hours, but I guess that's what freshmen do.  The junior and I became good friends.  We are still friends now.  The senior and I didn't really mesh.  We didn't dislike each other, but we weren't really friends either.  The ironic thing is, I saw her the most.  I had early classes and she was working, so we would see each other in the mornings.

My second year, my 3 roommates were, a French exchange student, the junior (who was now a senior) I had roomed with the previous year and another senior.  The French exchange student, whose room was right next to mine, was interesting.  She had a lot of parties and got drunk a lot.  One night, when the other 3 of us were asleep, she came in quite inebriated.  She thought that my room was hers and she tried opening it.  When she realized that it wasn't her room, she muttered "oh, sheet" in her thick French accent and went on her way.  The other two were graduating in December and my internship, which began in January, was near home, so we all moved out at the end of the semester, leaving the French girl by herself.  Both of those girls were in my wedding, one was the maid of honor.

Now, my roommates are an amazing husband and an adorable little boy.  They are probably the best roommates I've ever had, but I will always remember my past roommates.

Ivy

When I was almost 6, my family moved to a new house.  My mom was having a baby and my grandmother had had a heart attack, so she couldn't live in her apartment anymore since it was upstairs.  Therefore, we needed a home big enough for the new baby and a separated area for my grandmother.  I didn't know anyone in my new neighborhood.

Although we lived in the same town as before, I was starting at a new school for first grade.  I went to private school for Kindergarten, basically so that I could start school, since I wouldn't be 5 until ten days after the cut-off.  My parents planned to take me out of private school after the first year anyway, but when my mom became pregnant, it sealed my fate to go to public school.  I didn't know anyone at my new school.

I don't really remember when or how I met Ivy.  I suspect we were both riding our bikes around the neighborhood and met that way.  We had a lot in common- we were both 6, we were both in 1st grade at the same school and we both had baby brothers.  We may have had a lot in common, but we looked completely different.  She had blonde hair, I had brown.  She had almost black eyes, I had hazel.  She was short, I was tall.  Everyone called us Mutt and Jeff.

Ivy and I spent all of our free time together.  She had an amazing tree in her front yard that we spent hours giggling up in.  We would ride our bikes between each other's houses multiple times per day, usually balancing a game that we wanted to play at the other's house.  Many board game pieces ended up on the pavement though.  Why we didn't just play the game at the owner's house, I'm not sure.  We lost (or more accurately-pulled) our teeth out together, got our ears pierced together and went to Disney World together.  She would spend the night at my house.  When it was my turn to spend the night at her house though, I was brave until about 10pm, when I would call my parents to come pick me up.  I actually didn't spend the night at anyone's house until 4th grade.

During the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade, my parents decided that we were moving to Texas.  The day we moved was the saddest day I had ever experienced in my 7 3/4 years.  I had to leave my best friend 20 hours behind and move to a new place, where again, I knew no one.  Because this was before email, free long-distance calls and text messaging (not that 3rd graders would have been allowed to text), we wrote letters to each other. 

When my mom, brother and I moved back to Florida 2 months later, we moved 30 minutes south of the neighborhood where Ivy and I used to live.  Although my mom drove me to the school I used to attend, I was in a different class than Ivy.  Outside of school, we didn't really see each other very often.  Sadly, however, in just the 2 short months I was in Texas, things between Ivy and I had changed.  She had new friends that consumed her time and I didn't live close enough to be in her daily life.  Furthermore, my mom, brother and I moved about 6 weeks after we had arrived back in Florida, so Ivy and I didn't have a lot of opportunity to see each other anyway.

When my family moved back to Florida for good at the of 3rd grade, Ivy and I saw each other a couple times, but then her family moved to Ohio before we began 4th grade.  I haven't seen or talked to her since.  I have tried looking her up, but I haven't had any luck.  She may not live in Ohio anymore or perhaps she's gotten married, thus changing her name.  I would love to talk to her again, just to say hi and see how her life has turned out.

Sometimes I wonder, if our families hadn't moved, would we have remained friends?  Would the cattiness of girls in middle and high school changed us and/or broken our friendship up?  I don't know, but I would like to think that we would still be friends.