Dear Weston

Dear Weston,

Any day now, your world is going to change.  Mama and Daddy are going to go to the hospital and have your brother or sister.  You aren't going to be the center of our world anymore.  You will be sharing that with the new baby.  However, our love for you will always be the same.  Our love will not be divided, only multiplied.  After all, YOU are the baby that made us a Mommy and Daddy. 

You will be a GREAT big brother.  I'm sure it won't be smooth at first, for any of us.  None of us have done this before; Daddy and I have never had two children and you've never had to share your attention.  I worry that since you have no idea what is about to happen, that you will act out and get upset more quickly.  I hope in a few years that you and the baby will be best friends and will grow up looking out for each other.  Daddy and I believe that, if God sees fit, every child should have a sibling.  This way, you have a buddy, a confidant, and someone to share inside jokes with. 

I can't wait for you to meet your sibling and watch your love grow for them.  I know you will be confused because for the last 10 months, the "baby" has just been my belly.  You have shown the baby love by kissing my belly and that was enough.  The baby hasn't made any noise, wanted any of my attention or wanted you to share any of your toys with it. That's going to change and I know you won't understand.  That's ok though.  I will do my best to explain everything to you as we go along.  I know you will be such a great helper for Mommy.  You can bring me diapers, help feed and soothe the baby and bring the baby toys.  You are such a smart boy, so I know you will teach the baby so much.

Yesterday, knowing that our one-on-one time is short, I let you come and watch a movie (Cars 2, your favorite right now) in my bed during naptime.  You were absolutely thrilled when I brought your blankie and pillow into my bed. About 5 minutes before the movie ended, you fell asleep.  I just laid there and watched you sleep and cherished the time we had together. You seemed to really enjoy having the opportunity to be in Mommy and Daddy's bed.  Babies don't get to take naps in Mommy and Daddy's bed, just big boys like you.  We'll definitely have to do that more often.  I hope you will want to continue having quiet time/naps in our room.

I hope you have fun at Mamma and Papa's house and enjoy playing with the puppy dogs.  Please don't be scared that Mommy is in the hospital.  You were born in a hospital too.  Hospitals are where it is most safe for your brother or sister to be born.  I will miss you so, so much while I am away.  After all, this will be the longest that I will have been away from you since you were born.  You can come visit whenever you would like and before you know it, Mommy, Daddy, brother or sister and you will all be back home starting our new life as a family of four.

Please don't ever forget that we love you very, very, very much and always will.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

What Have I Done?!

I have a doctor's appointment this morning.  As much as I'd like the doctor to give me an induction date so that this long, painful, sickly pregnancy can come to an end, I don't want to know when the last day with just Weston will be.  I'd also like to go into labor on my own, since I had to be induced with Weston too.

Ten months ago, it seemed like a really good idea to give Weston a sibling.  However, now that I have a very short time left, I'm wondering how big this mistake is.

Now, I am NOT calling Baby #2 a mistake AT ALL.  The "mistake" I am talking about is all in my head, I'm sure. I'll bullet point and rationalize these thoughts, maybe it will help.

• Weston is not going to get all of the attention anymore.  How will he deal with that?
  Weston is two.  He won't remember the difference and after a few weeks with the new baby, he'll adjust just fine.
• Weston is only two and has no idea what is about to occur in his life.
  Weston IS only two, so he won't remember life before the baby arrives.
• Weston is and has been my and Doug's primary focus for almost 26 months now. How can I give him adequate time and attention, especially in the early weeks when I am so exhausted I can't even see straight?
  That's what teamwork is for.  Each parent focuses on one child.  One-on-one defense, I guess.
• What if Weston hates us for having another baby?
  Weston doesn't know what hate is and when he does find out what it is, the baby will be old news.
• I've been told parenting two children is a lot harder than parenting one.  It's not just double the work like one would think.
  If parenting subsequent children really was as difficult as people have said, there wouldn't be nearly as many siblings in this world as there are and there certainly wouldn't be families with more than 2 children.  If I go into parenting two children with no expectations of how our daily life will be, I will be neither happy, nor disappointed if something doesn't work out.
• Will Weston be scared seeing me in the hospital and unable to go home with him?
  When I was hospitalized for hyperemesis, he came to visit and didn't seem scared.  Of course, it was only one night and he's older now, but hopefully he'll still not care.

These are only a few of my concerns, but only time will tell how they all work out.  I'm also pretty sure that I'm not the first nor will I be the last mom/parent to have these concerns.  Everyone tells me to just breathe and enjoy having my children close together, because soon my fears will be dating, college and an empty nest.

Telling Doug

The October after Doug and I got married, I bought a Christmas themed scavenger hunt for me to send Doug on to find a gift with.  The first year, his gift at the end was a Mouse Trap game from the baby on the way.  

Since I really didn't have a gift in mind for this year, I decided I would take a pregnancy test after he left for work and that would be his final gift.  I wasn't going to wait until Christmas Day to let him do the scavenger hunt, so I thought about when a good time would be.  We got engaged on December 21, so I decided that would be a good day to test and give him the news.

The night before, I was so excited about taking a test that I didn't sleep. The next morning, I needed to go to the bathroom pretty badly, but I wanted to video the test result, so I didn't want to take the test until Doug left for work.  When Doug's alarm went off, he didn't get up.  When the second alarm went off, he still didn't get up.  I gently woke him up and explained he needed to get going. I then went and fed the dogs, let them out.  I basically did anything I could do to get him out of the house ASAP.

When he finally left, I RAN to the bathroom and took the test.  I then videoed the test until it turned to 'pregnant'. That afternoon, while Weston was napping, I set out all the scavenger hunt clues.  The final clue was on our bathroom mirror.  It said:

"Three years ago today, you gave me a ring

I wonder what THIS December 21st will bring.

Go get Weston for your gift."

I had put a "Big Brother" shirt on Weston and I figured right before Doug went in to his room, I'd hand Weston the pregnancy test, sanitized obviously.  Doug usually gets home at the end of nap time, so I thought the timing would work out well.  Of course, wasn't that the day that Doug got out of work late.  I made Weston stay in his crib until Doug got home, so needless to say Weston wasn't the happiest or most cooperative camper when Doug finally went in there.  I don't have pictures either.

Since we had been trying, Doug sort of suspected I was pregnant, but had no idea that was the gift at the end of the scavenger hunt.

Baby Details!!

Yesterday we went for our fetal assessment scan.  Because I have been so sick, there were days I wasn't able to take and/or keep down my prenatal vitamins.  Therefore, I have been terrified for weeks that the baby wouldn't be healthy.  I wasn't worried about Weston's ultrasound, but this baby has been different.  He or she is perfectly healthy.  Everything measured well and looked great. Praise God! That made me a very happy mama! 

I will be 21 weeks on Friday and I am due on August 24th.  We do not know if we are having a boy or a girl.  We didn't find out with Weston either. I have documented how much I would like a girl, since I already have a boy, but if I have another boy, I don't have a doubt in my mind I will love it like crazy.

When you have an older child, you don't need as much "stuff" as you need when you are pregnant with the first one.  When I was pregnant with Weston, I was dragging Doug with regular frequency 45 minutes each way to the closest Babies R Us from about 8 weeks on.  Of course, now that we have a Babies R Us 10 minutes away, I've only been once.  With this pregnancy, I didn't feel like it for a while and since I have felt better, I've found better things to do than be sucked into the baby store.  Because we didn't know what gender we were having the first time, we bought a lot of gender neutral things. We plan to re-use Weston's car seat/stroller combo, swing, bouncer, pack n play and crib.  Those are the big items that cost so much the first time around.

Here's an ultrasound picture of our sweet baby from our appointment yesterday.  Do you think it's a girl or a boy?

New Beginnings

As I alluded to in my Valentine's Day post (almost 2 months ago!), I was very sick for the first 2 months of the year.  I was hospitalized 3 times in about a month.  The worst part of the fact that I was so sick, is that I chose to take the chance that I would be sick.

You see, last Fall, I was getting baby fever and Doug and I had been discussing trying for another baby, so that Weston and the baby would be close in age.  After an unfortunate November, December arrived, as did this: 

 Doug and I were thrilled and told both sets of parents on Christmas Day, at which point I was only 5 weeks, which was early to tell anyone, but how often do you get to tell your parents on a major holiday that they're going to be grandparents again?!  

I don't know if I've mentioned it on the blog, but when we got pregnant with Weston, it was a COMPLETE surprise! In fact, we had no clue we were pregnant and we were certainly not planning on a baby.  We'd only been married about 6 weeks when we got the positive.

At the beginning of January, I started having nausea, which morphed into extreme nausea, which further morphed into hyperemesis, or extreme vomiting.  I couldn't keep anything down and therefore I was not getting nutrients and more importantly, the baby wasn't getting the nutrients it needed.  As I said above, I was in the hospital three times from mid-January to early February.  During my stays, I was given lots and lots of IV fluids with nutrients in them.  The first two times I was hospitalized, I felt better for a few days and then I started feeling bad again.  The third time I was hospitalized seemed to do the trick and I haven't had to go back since.  

I thought my nausea with Weston was bad, but it was a cakewalk compared to this pregnancy.  Doug and I thought we wanted 4 children, but as sick as I've been this pregnancy, I think this baby may be the last one.

Doug and my parents have been so great throughout this whole thing.  Luckily, Doug has a job where he can work from home if needed.  My parents live about 5-10 minutes away, so they came and took care of Weston when Doug couldn't stay home.  They all took such great care of me and helped me through one of the sickest times in my life.

I will provide more details tomorrow.